"Rainy days and Sundays always get me down"
The similarities of the Grady boys:
Thunder isn't sure about the camera (our Angel in his Angel's gear)
Buck mad that mommy won't stop taking pictures.
They both finally get over it and flash their newest smiles!
It's raining today, after 2 weeks of sunshine, so I think it's affecting my mood. That, and the fact that we still aren't sleeping fitfully in our little home.
But, we've also recently had to really disappoint Thunder's birth mom (H). While open adoption has been a mostly positive experience for us, the one thing that has been really hard is that we never had the chance to sit down and discuss expectations of visitations and time that H & her family would get to spend with Thunder. In most books and articles printed about the subject, the strong recommendation is to get expectations IN WRITING so that both parties know what to expect and don't build unrealistic expectations (which is just human nature, I suppose). I realize that there are many differing opinions and realities in and about adoptions. We were generally very positive and totally up front about openness to a lot of contact. The problem is, "a lot" of contact is both vague and difficult practically-speaking when families live 8 hours from each other (and there really isn't any other reason to make the trip except for one person's need to see one member of the family). It is also difficult for a family of 4 to make an 8 (realistically 10 or 11) hour trip when comparing that to one person making the same trip as a young adult.
But, anyone who has ever known a young adult intimately will understand that being able to see "the other person's side" is not generally an adolescent trait. Especially when the young adult wants something very much. And if you have ever tried to rationally explain your reasoning to an intense adolescent, you will have a good idea of the emotions surrounding all of us right now.
RKZ and I are facing the difficult reality of putting our family's and child's needs first; but we so very much want to be authentic and fair to H. We really wanted to drive up to H's home for a special event in her life...it just seemed important that Thunder be there; but as we began to plan the trip, it became obvious that asking a 3 year old and and 5 month old to take a road trip for an event that they wouldn't understand or appreciate just to drive back 24 hours later was not realistic or in either of their best interests. Still, we had to tell H and it is obvious from her response that she is heart broken.
This is much more personal than I normally get on our blog, but we have been living through smaller but similar situations like this for 5 months now...and I just wanted to share that, sometimes, adoption is hard. It's still completely worth it and we are hopelessly in love with Thunder - but it's definitely emotional work too.
I'll admit it, I just like to make everyone happy. Guess that I'm finally learning that lesson :)
Thunder isn't sure about the camera (our Angel in his Angel's gear) 
Buck mad that mommy won't stop taking pictures. They both finally get over it and flash their newest smiles!
It's raining today, after 2 weeks of sunshine, so I think it's affecting my mood. That, and the fact that we still aren't sleeping fitfully in our little home.
But, we've also recently had to really disappoint Thunder's birth mom (H). While open adoption has been a mostly positive experience for us, the one thing that has been really hard is that we never had the chance to sit down and discuss expectations of visitations and time that H & her family would get to spend with Thunder. In most books and articles printed about the subject, the strong recommendation is to get expectations IN WRITING so that both parties know what to expect and don't build unrealistic expectations (which is just human nature, I suppose). I realize that there are many differing opinions and realities in and about adoptions. We were generally very positive and totally up front about openness to a lot of contact. The problem is, "a lot" of contact is both vague and difficult practically-speaking when families live 8 hours from each other (and there really isn't any other reason to make the trip except for one person's need to see one member of the family). It is also difficult for a family of 4 to make an 8 (realistically 10 or 11) hour trip when comparing that to one person making the same trip as a young adult.
But, anyone who has ever known a young adult intimately will understand that being able to see "the other person's side" is not generally an adolescent trait. Especially when the young adult wants something very much. And if you have ever tried to rationally explain your reasoning to an intense adolescent, you will have a good idea of the emotions surrounding all of us right now.
RKZ and I are facing the difficult reality of putting our family's and child's needs first; but we so very much want to be authentic and fair to H. We really wanted to drive up to H's home for a special event in her life...it just seemed important that Thunder be there; but as we began to plan the trip, it became obvious that asking a 3 year old and and 5 month old to take a road trip for an event that they wouldn't understand or appreciate just to drive back 24 hours later was not realistic or in either of their best interests. Still, we had to tell H and it is obvious from her response that she is heart broken.
This is much more personal than I normally get on our blog, but we have been living through smaller but similar situations like this for 5 months now...and I just wanted to share that, sometimes, adoption is hard. It's still completely worth it and we are hopelessly in love with Thunder - but it's definitely emotional work too.
I'll admit it, I just like to make everyone happy. Guess that I'm finally learning that lesson :)
posted by BGrady at 11:53 AM
<< Home