"Send in the clowns..." (in honor of my friend's fun facebook status)

The Joads went home yesterday and H came to visit (see photos below). The washing machine repair man came to save my life this morning (2 weeks without a washer and we did ok? We have too many clothes). There was a "cleaning bee" at Buck's school today where the moms clean what they can to help out the teachers. Thunder (aka: Bam Bam) stayed with my very dear (one-year-older-but-not-than-me) friend and her amazing kids while I drank coffee and gossiped with the other moms. We also sorted through old books and taped weak puzzle boxes. It's overcast and I just found out that we weren't given a washing machine owners' manual and they haven't posted one on-line yet for ours. This is the definition of melancholy - so much to do and I don't have the manual :) 

So, Buck and I made dinosaurs and I drank diet root beer. Now, he's watching Scooby Doo. Thunder sleeps. 

This little guy makes me happy. Buck has been walking around like a T-Rex since making him. Love those Osborne how-to books.

 

H came down for a quick visit and it was the nicest we've had. I'll never get the image of her and my father out having a smoke around the fire pit out of my head. If anyone you know is considering adoption, I want to re-emphasize how open adoption is the way to go (considering that everyone in the situation is not psycho). Thunder knows H. She is as normal a part of his life as his aunts and uncles (who visit and love him but aren't always there). I am his mommy. Sitting around having a beer and laughing and being friends just brings all of us peace. There are awkward and delicate moments, but as we forge a new type of family, we are all ok.  When I look at these pictures, I can't get over how much I still think Thunder looks exactly like Shawn - and Buck, ironically. And the last time we were together, I asked H is she regrets her decision to give up T and she said, "It was the best thing I ever did." I think that peace and joy can only come from asking very difficult questions and allowing the other person to answer. 

See what I mean? Melancholy.