"You spin me right round, baby right round"

Mommy and Thunder
Buck skating
Buck in motion
Buck and Clemmie taking a break
We've had a busy few days - the posts are few and far between right now, I know. Daily life can get in the way of quippy comments and wry observations of my own life.

Buck is becoming quite the ice skater in between everything else. He's actually quite good now and can get around the ice like a regular Canadian. He and Clemmie take lessons together and they are so cute sticking together out there. Thunder is growing and screaming daily. He's got to have gained 5 pounds these last few weeks. I think his head is bigger.

We had an interesting time at Ash Wednesday Mass. Buck went on an "ashes strike" and immediately wiped the ashes off of his forehead. He then went on to examine all of our heads. So much for Buck remembering he's dust anytime soon :)

"I'll go on loving you"

We had a nice weekend with H's family (the bfam). I read a great thing the other day when it comes to speaking about them...this said that "a child's birthfamily is a part of who he or she is and it is their story to tell." That is going to be the bottom line for us - if anyone has a chance to meet them (at the baptism or whatever), then they are free to make their own opinion. Other than that, we're going to keep the details of Thunder's bfam for him to share when he is older - as his own story. It suffices to say that we like them and that all went well.

It was still awkward, but that's to be expected in "real life" events, right?

Brad Paisley was amazing, as was expected. His are the best concerts I have ever seen, mostly because RKZ and I know all of the songs. BP is just so entertaining and talented. They are a good-time kind of concert. The only draw back was that we had to leave Grandma Joad home with two over-stimulated boys. Thunder cried until 9 pm and Buck wouldn't sleep until 11 pm. I worried about Mom during most of the concert. She keeps telling me, "I raised 5 of you, you know."

But she wasn't in her 60's at the time.

I'm happy to get back on schedule and to look at a fairly tame calendar for the next few months. We're hoping for a May baptism if all goes well. It's a bit farther than we'd like, but there are a lot of factors going into it - the largest being that Churches don't baptize until adoptions are totally finalized. We have a our class with the Deacon tonight, so we've got to ask him all of these questions - and then the organizing begins.

"But to me...baby you are the world"

Don't the boys have the same "huh?" look!
more of the same
"hi, baby brother!"
BIG KISS
I love Thunder's face in this shot.

I'm posting quickly at 6:26 am because I know that there are a few people anxious to know how our first meeting with H and the b-fam went. H and her dad, GPa D, did make it to the house (I was so glad) around 7 pm. There were some happy tears and a phone call to Gma J (who stayed back with the younger sisters). I am not planning on giving too many details except to say that it was a very nice visit. I am actually feeling much more bonded to Thunder after H and Gpa D's time here. He feels even more like ours.

Today, Gma J, and H's sisters, L & Joe (I'll find better names later) are all coming for lunch and then about 3 1/2 hours. We're all going to Mass together at 5 pm tonight nearer to where L has her ringette games. I'm actually looking forward to having them all here - there is a special peace that comes with all of us living this adoption together. Last night, I was able to show Gpa D that we still have every intention of calling him "Grandpa" and I could tell that this meant a lot to him. They all just want to know Thunder & not to disappear from his life, which I think everyone can understand.

And Thunder still "looked" for me when I was talking and then I realized that this is what it means to be someone's mommy, that he or she looks for you when they aren't sure what's going on.

The only negative thing was that the visit made both boys quite hyper or over-stimulated. Buck didn't pass out in sleep until about 11 pm and Thunder cried himself to sleep around 9 pm (not late, but he's usually more consolable). It will be good to have today's visit end a bit earlier just for sleeps' sake.

Also, RKZ (who got home last night) and I are going to see BRAD PAISLEY tonight - and we have really good seats! Yeah!!

"Open your mind and think like me"

Today was a crazy, non-stop rush of activity. I could barely sleep (amazing since I currently don't get any sleep) because I was thinking of all that needs to be done before Thunder's birthfamily comes to visit tomorrow (and tonight, but that's only H to come and hold Thunder for a while). Our house is currently that "just had (got) a baby" messy kind of house. We're a mixture of presents, empty gift bags (with trash), pizza boxes and general clutter of what needs to be returned to others (like the dishes of the steady stream of meals we have been receiving - so amazing!) I spent last night imagining what I needed to do before we left for Thunder's doctor's appointment at 10 am. Here was today's schedule:

10 am T's appointment
11 am Buck's swim lesson
12 pm lunch & nap while Gma Joad and I finished laundry and cleaned various places.
1 pm hair cut for me (been 10 weeks - ahhhh!)
2:30 pm run around and return clutter so that RKZ and bfamily are happily surprised by clean house.
3 pm - H's expected hour of arrival.

We all woke up around 6 am and began the clean up then. A lot of "pass the baby" and "play Rescue Rangers with Buck" while the other person moved clutter, cleaned and folded 5 baskets of laundry (A LOT of laundry). Doesn't this make you want to visit?

Funnily enough, H was stuck in traffic and is still not able to get here at 6:30 pm (she's trying to get here ASAP). The house looks beautiful, though. RKZ will be happy upon his arrival from Houston at 10 pm tonight. I was disappointed to hear that H might not make it until tomorrow. All of that emotional stress for nothing. I've decided I have a secret "useless worry" hormone.

So, we've rushed around and nothing new has happened :) It's nearly time for baths & bed and I feel a bit like I might pass out with fatigue.

But, Thunder started smiling at us. Smiling. I'll try to get a picture of that. It's like the sun comes out over his face.

"I always feel like, somebody's watchin' meeee"

Buck the Builder fixing the baby swing. The very hungry Thunderpillar (SO CHEESY - couldn't resist)
A bath with Daddy.


So...we're having our first visit with the birth family [birth mom, H; grandparents and 2 aunts (15 & 8)] this weekend. There is a ringette tournament (you'll have to Google it - it's a sport played by girls similar to hockey). The 15 year old's team is playing & the family figured they'd come down to visit.

Last night, on the phone, the birthgrandma (BGma) and I were discussing how awkward everyone feels in the situation. I told her, "None of us has ever been through this before. It is awkward and uncomfortable - but the only way to make it not that way is to live through it. It's better for Thunder if our relationships become natural before he can tell the difference."

But that reasoning doesn't make it FEEL less awkward.

Here is what I'm clinging too from reading "The Open Adoption Experience":

No one 'owns' children. They are individuals who belong IN families and not TO families and
"True entitlement comes from realizing that while the child will always be connected to both the birth and adoptive families, only the adoptive parents will be raising the child."

There is a lesson in love here. I firmly believe that there isn't too much love in the world, there is only not enough. What is best for Thunder (and Buck, in his understanding of his brother) will be that the bfamily becomes a part of our extended family. It's just this awkward phase is so...awkward :) I'm having a hard time finding a different description.
More later.

"it's 3 am I must be lonely"

So...did I mention that 6 weeks (6 - 7) is when children go through a "growth spurt" and are the most active, fussy and difficult? Just in time! Thunder (the name Buck calls our new little guy, in case you're wondering) is becoming really active and socially great - but much more fussy. I guess this is the age of the most calls to Children's services as well (I can almost see why). Up at 11 pmish - awake until 1 am - up at 3am awake until 5ish - up at 6am because this is normally when Buck begins screaming for us. Good news is that Thunder normally sleeps from 1pm to 5pm in the afternoon. If we can just get that long sleep to transfer to the night time.

Still a joy to have a boy. Just practicing our "attaching" - the new word for bonding.

Buck and I had a "mommy and Buck" afternoon at the zoo while Thunder stayed home with Grandma Joad. He was asleep the entire time, which makes me feel less guilty. And Buck had an EXCELLENT time explaining the sting rays to everyone.

"Is Anybody out there?"

We've set up the baby monitor so that I can hear Thunder as he sleeps upstairs. Buck was fascinated with this. These pictures show when he picked up the monitor, listened for his brother and then talked into the remote like it was a walkie-talkie. Buck said, "I hear you, baby." I was excited not to tell Buck that the monitor only goes one way. Buck was happy I let him keep talking for minutes. Still do.



Grandma Joad (Ma Joad) is here for AN ENTIRE MONTH!! We are so excited and Buck is beside himself - he's already asked RKZ and I to "please leave" while he and Grandma play. Ma Joad is currently holding Thunder and we're discussing how much hair he has compared to Buck (who was bald as a cue ball). More later!

"I got you, under my skin"

The Grady boys and their mom.

TODAY, THUNDER IS OFFICIALLY OURS FOREVER.

I was emotional (but fuzzy-tired) at 1 am today when I first realized it; but the deadline of changing minds is past - we have adopted Thunder. When we all woke up again at 4 and then 7, the realization finally set in.

There are so many things to say - none of which will sound like they should on this blog. It's a wordless expression of emotion, does that make sense?

There aren't words because it's just too .... (see? not really anything adequate in our language).

"cuts like a knife"

An Amazing present from my cousin, L Clown and her family. We love it.
Buck is currently in "space man' stage. I have watched You Tube shuttle launch videos an nauseam and I have heard all about the space station and the moon and Mars. I am living with my older brother all over again.

Some kind of photo issues with blogger right now. Probably some new Angelina/Brad Pitt sighting :)

I am just back from Thunder's circumcision. Holy Cow, that is one intense and (I might add) barbaric procedure. This will be the post of contrasts and irony:

A) Did I give ANY thought to whether Buck would be circed? Answer - no. I just did what I thought people do. Seemed easy enough.

B) Did I know anyone who wasn't circed in my immediate circle of friends and family? Answer - no. I don't want to share about family private parts, but I think I knew 2 people who weren't circed in my entire life - well, 2 people to whom I was privy to that info. And no, I didn't date these men. It was hearsay. I can honestly admit that I had never actually SEEN an uncirced peep until I was 37 years old and it was the son of a friend.

C) Here in Canada (and I think the US now too), circumcision is a hotly debated topic. NONE (not one) of Buck's close friends is circed - not one. None of my Canadian girlfriends even considered circing. The fact that Buck IS circed makes him a bit of an oddity. He hasn't noticed this yet, but I'm sure gym class will teach him all he needs to know about the differences parents make early on.

D) Was I present (or even aware of) Buck's circ at 2 or 6 days old? No - RKZ was there, but I only vaguely remember it. I just know that Buck is circed and it seemed normal and natural to me. We moved to Toronto before I ever saw anyone else's little boys to compare (and i never really thought about them in my 20's and 30's).

E) Thunder came to us (at 5 weeks) uncirced - 6 weeks is the customary cut-off age for circs. Remember the packed schedules of Canadian doctors. ONE doctor could squeeze us in TODAY provided he wasn't busy delivering a baby. We had to make a choice. I was wishy-washy, RKZ thought that a circ was the best way to go.

Long story loooonger - RKZ is very busy at work and I had to take Thunder to be circed on my own. I was nervous and freaked out. There is a complicated ( to me) procedure for the circ which entails my swathing Thunder's peeper with numbing cream and wrapping it in Saran wrap (seriously and don't ask). I then had to go to the ATM for the $200 cash (not covered in Canadian Health Care) to pay the doctor and drop Buck off at a friends' house. I didn't think Buck would understand why we were cutting the poor kid's junk. T and I made it to the circ doc and - since T wasn't allowed to eat 1 1/2 before the procedure - he was screaming bloody murder. The front office lady is like the baby whisperer and she patronizingly explained how to calm him down. It worked and I felt a bit like an idiot. Oh well.

I was given the option of not going in to watch. But all I could think was, "I'll make the kid go through it but I won't watch it myself? That doesn't seem fair." Now, the procedure is burned irrevocably onto my brain. I won't describe it here but I'll tell you if you ask me...

Here is the irony, if we had another boy, I'd do it again. I would drink beers after like I plan to do tonight, but I would do it because I think the boys should all be the same - for solidarity if nothing else. But if I was just starting this crazy mommy thing, I don't think I'd opt for the snip.

I'm just so glad it's over - I can't imagine what Thunder feels. More Tylenol time!

"When I grow up"

Thanks to everyone who sent me birthday wishes yesterday. 39...I've been on the planet for 40 years now, which is just crazy. You can all imagine that it was a pretty uneventful day since we are still waiting for midnight tonight. It's a belated Birthday gift for me, but he's definitely worth the wait.

I went to see the movie "He's Just Not that Into You" with a new good friend. I hesitate to use the nickname "wet nurse" for this friend, but that is basically what she is. WN has a 3 month old and a lot of "extra" breast milk, so she is also our "milk man" who drops off pumped milk for Thunder on a regular basis. I so appreciate her generosity since it is really important that Thunder have the super-vitamins associated with breast milk. WN was very quick to offer once we got our little guy.

Oh, I thought the movie was cute - almost exactly what I expected - but Scarlett (sp?) Johannsen (sp?) is quickly becoming my new Heather Graham (that's not a good thing). I'll explain all that if you ever ask me.

Thunder is currently squawking upstairs. We've reached the "6 week growth spurt/always cranky stage." The squawking has just turned to crying. I'd better go.

"My heart will go on"

Our Bronco boys.



This morning, I realized how incredible it is to have 2 children. The "warm fuzzy" happiness is settling in, even as we wait just three more days for the official "yes" to come through. Just for clarity sake, H has 10 days from Midnight last Monday to change her mind. The end date is Feb. 12 at midnight. I keep telling people that I will be crying like Carter at the 1 am feed that night/morning. We are not particularly worried as we have a great relationship beginning with H and speak to her almost every day, but it's still the principle of the thing.

Back to the warm fuzzies - around 1 pm today, Buck was taking some quiet time in his room (I hesitate to call it a nap) and Thunder was asleep in the car seat, and it was quiet. All I could think (aside from wanting to sleep also) was how totally complete I feel. I spent the afternoon doing laundry and dishes and carrying around one or the other boys and the feeling of completeness never went away. I also suddenly believe that we will have other children. I believe it in a way I never did before. I look at these 2 boys and think that anything is truly possible...the Broncos might actually WIN some games next year (hahaha).

"When I was a boy" (girl, whatever...)

Thunder in the Bjorn
Mommy & Thunder in Bjorn #2
The boys :)
We are family

I have a sleep book ("Healthy Sleep, Healthy Child") that argues (with some great documentation, etc) that 6 weeks is when babies are the "worst" in terms of sleep and new activity and needing to be held. We are entering in to 6 weeks with Thunder

"Shook me all night long"

Still lots of snow on the driveway. There's a nice little bridge of ice at the bottom of the driveway and the street.
Buck LOVES to shovel.


Today is a bit more calm as Buck headed off to ice skating lessons. I guess he's very good, although I haven't seen a class yet. He can glide over the ice, which is a feat for our wobbly little man. His and RKZ's being gone helped me to have some bonding time with Thunder. We tried out the Bjorn (pics tomorrow or later) and Thunder seems to love being close and constantly held. This really helps with all of the housework I've got to do! The laundry never stops, eh? (Little Canadian there for ya.)

At this moment, everyone except me is asleep for a nap. I need to run out to the store, so we'll see if I can wake the bear who is my husband. We've been "splitting shifts" with Thunder - RK takes the 4 am usually ( take midnight and 7 am). This gives me a good chunk of time to sleep. But RK goes back to work on Monday, so he'll probably do the midnight and I'll get the other two.

I will not complain. I am so happy, I could not sleep for MONTHS (which is what will happen anyway).

"The way you love me is frightnin'"

Thunder at his first doctor visit.

Well, the new thing about today is that I'm back to my nominal mommy ways! First, I only realized about 2 hours ago that Avent nipples (for baby bottles) come in 4 sizes! Both RKZ and I have used a size 4 to try and feed Thunder. (1 is the smallest for 0 - 3 months). Our poor baby has been swimming in formula and it's all our fault! We felt terrible and have rectified the situation. Its Midnight and I'm warming a bottle. More in the morning.

"Brother, Brother"

Today, Thunder came to Buck's preschool for pick-up. It was our first big outing. Buck's teacher, Mrs. Doyle, had the kids come over for a quick "circle time" with Thunder. Buck was really proud. He told them that Thunder doesn't have any teeth yet. But mostly, Buck was excited about the gummi hearts that he'd gotten from his teacher. I had forgotten that it's almost Valentine's Day because it's so close to mine and Grandma Duchesses birthdays.

Secondly, Thunder and I went to see Dr. Tam for Thunder's 1 month check up. He is very healthy, stronger than average and weighs 9 lbs. Also, he's about 21 5/8 inches. A respectable height and weight, though Dr. Tam was saying he's on the 25% for weight...yikes. And Thunder is ALWAYS eating, so I'm guessing he's trying to catch up.

Miss all of you. Keep on reading!

"I'm cryin' over you"

Thunder's first visitor - a good friend with a bassinette! (sp?)
Uncle Coach K1 and Hoonka (and A-man and KK) sent us celebration baloons which Buck quickly confiscated.
more balloons - we LOVE them!!
Daddy taking a feeding shift (he's so great)
Thunder: 1 month; 3days

We've had a couple of visitors and around 50ish well-wishes through email, phone calls and facebook. Everyone is pouring out love for Carter P. He is getting into a routine, or back into one. RKZ salvaged the swings and bouncy seats and now we have a happy place to put our boy in between feedings and rockings. He's an "every 2 to 3 hours" eater, which is nice. We all seem to be bonding even more today. We're so thankful for him.

More details tomorrow as our schedules settle even more.

"Yes Sir, He's my baby"

RKZ, Buck and Thunder enjoy some dinner
Thunder
Thunder and his birth mom, H
Thunder and me
Thunder sleeps on the couch for today

There isn't much time as we're all totally adjusting, but I wanted to post pictures of Carter, our newest son before the night is over. Tune in soon for the whole story!

"What about love?"

I haven't posted in nearly a month, so I'm sure there won't be much traffic on this blog. I just wanted to post today and say that I will be adding a lot in the next few days -- sort of "getting back on" if you will. Between Facebook and here, I might not have time to be a mother (ha.ha.) No, it's the other things that will go.

More later (I think, but possibly not until tomorrow).

Thanks!