"Yes Sir, He's my baby"

RKZ, Buck and Thunder enjoy some dinner
Thunder
Thunder and his birth mom, H
Thunder and me
Thunder sleeps on the couch for today

There isn't much time as we're all totally adjusting, but I wanted to post pictures of Carter, our newest son before the night is over. Tune in soon for the whole story!

"Remember when I found you there - alone in your electric chair?"

Just a quick update on us (totally unrelated song, by the way). On Jan. 1st, H, the birthmom, had her baby. She subsequently decided to parent him. That's the long and the very short of it. We're dealing, of course. It is nice to have the whole thing resolved and we will not give up hope that a baby is out there for us. It's difficult to think of going through the entire "waiting" process again - if another woman picks us and we end up here again. But everyone keeps saying that everything happens for a reason. I believe that there is a really important reason. A young friend of ours (15) said, "I guess God knows that there is a baby out there who needs you more." We can't wait for that baby - we need him or her (or him AND her) too.

All else is good here. Buck and RKZ are currently both using the bathroom. I told Buck, "There are a lot of people poopin' in our house right now." Buck replied, "AND a lot of people stinking!"

Epilepsy - smepilepsey.

"Don't the hours grow shorter as the days go by?"

Please forgive if the captions don't go with the pictures. It's been a blur of a Christmas for us! The Gradys before Christmas Eve Mass.
Buck in front of our tree.
Buck and CSG
Our happy family on Christmas Eve.
Buck (in a blue sweater - a gift from our cleaning lady) opening a gift from Jackson.









The pictures are a collection of some of the things that happened this holiday. This last shot is our Christmas dinner in Children's Hospital. They have really lovely donated sandwiches. We've eaten these for dinner twice now.
It's already been a long Christmas. I don't know if we've got "It's a Wonderful Life" happening here, but it certainly is eventful. And RKZ is still here - so I got that going for me.

I've decided I should go over all that is going on. At least for me since I don't know who all reads the blog these days (thanks for looking in!) This is a lovely "digital diary" most of all, so I feel the strange need to explain what has been consuming our thoughts and decisions for these last few months. Again, mostly for us to keep.

We were selected by a 17 year old girl as the family who she would like to adopt her baby. A lot of you know that (or have heard it). She subsequently has changed her mind - sort of. This young woman is amazing and it's a very big deal to decide to place a baby for adoption, so we are not shocked by her confusion. H (the mom) was due on the 23rd of Dec. We haven't heard anything one way or the other for sure. And so, we wait. There is a good chance that she and her family are also still waiting, so right now it is more like we are just sharing in the family's frustration of waiting. Then, we will wait to see what she decides.

I'm sure you can all guess that this means we will not be taking a ski vacation for the new year. We are in a waiting pattern of life-changing (or not) proportions.

And, speaking of waiting - Buck had his third seizure (unexplained) on Christmas. We were off visiting friends and he told me he was tired. I said we should go but 10 minutes later, he was seizing on the ground at my feet. We called 911 (as we've been instructed to do until we see the neurologist). The ambulance came (no fire truck this time) and the EMTs were very nice and cordial. RKZ was able to carry Buck to the ambulance (a first of the 3) and I rode with him to Children's hospital.

As Buck had his last seizure only 10 days ago (at Costco, which I'm not sure I posted), we have been shortlisted to see the neurology doctor and we have an appointment for tomorrow morning. It's a relief to finally be able to ask some questions - although we have gotten every test for Buck (CAT scan; EEG; blood) and they all come back "normal." I'm glad Buck's normal, but that doesn't explain the seizures. So - we wait again. And there is a big chance that we'll always wait - that Buck will need medication for something that can't be explained.

I'm starting to feel as though I need medication (or just 10 drinks) but I can explain exactly what that's for.
We're praying for a more peaceful 2009. Or at least a 2009 filled with answers.

"Waiting to Exhale"

Sample pictures -- NOT REAL PICTURES OF THE BABY


So, some of you have already heard that our file is currently being shown to the birthmother of a little boy. There is no news yet. I'll start with that.

Background - on Sept. 11th, we received a call from one of the social workers (Desiree) at Adoption Options (the agency we are working with to adopt). She explained that there is a baby who was born prematurely whose mother is putting him up for adoption. They wanted to know if we wanted our file to be shown.

RKZ and I spent a lot of time (as much as we had) talking and thinking about all of the ramifications of health and issues that prematurity might mean. (A) there could be many and (B) there could be none. It is tough to make a "what if" decision; But, that was what we needed to make. The next day, we both were at peace that we wanted to be in the pile of families to be considered by the birth mom. Desiree explained that all of the files were to be bussed down from Edmonton (the main office) and that the birth mom would see the files probably on Monday of the next week (Sept. 15). Desiree said to give it a week from there...and so we have.

Yesterday was a week and there is still no word. We decided not to tell anyone as we waited because there is a big chance that we will not be the family chosen. But, we did have to cancel a trip to California (we were supposed to fly out yesterday) and this has led to us explaining to some people what is happening. Once a few people knew, you can imagine that now many people now know; and it didn't seem such a big thing to post it up on the blog. I thought I might want to have the nervousness described on the blog (which is really just turning into a giant family memory album anyway).

Again, we still haven't heard anything. We did hear that the mom had turned down some families, but not ours. We know that we're on a short list of choices, but it's still a list. I think everyone can imagine that - at this point - we just want to know either way.

Choice 1 - she chooses us and we meet her and the baby and confirm that he'll be joining our family - Still a heavy dose of
waiting.
Choice 2 - she says no to us and we have the hope that we're near the top of the list and will be getting a new baby eventually.
Also included in choice #2 is that we can reschedule our California trip and will definitely be heading to Mexico for
American Thanksgiving.

So, now everyone knows who reads the blog. As we are praying people, we are just praying that God's Will is done (or "for the best" in layman's terms). This little guy might be meant for our family and he might not. I am just hoping that I can eat soon and that my stomach would stop turning over. I'd like to be able to sleep for longer than 2 hours and I'd like to stop jumping every time the phone rings. I have never been this anxious in my life. Even RKZ is on edge. And he's never on edge.

"Won't you be my baby?"

Buck & his cousin, Pahina, playing in the pack-n-play crib at Christmas.

I posted that our adoption social worker, Claire, was coming a few weeks ago - but I had gotten the date a week off - and then her children became sick and so we had to postpone our first home study visit to last night.

Claire came over to our house at 6 after dropping her kids off at the local ski hill (only in Canada). She is originally from England and she has lived here for 5 years with her husband who works for (drumroll) BP!! RKZ was so happy that he didn't write anything negative about BP in his home study assessment papers (referring to why we moved so many times). We are guessing that her husband is pretty important in the company by the description of his job. It was a funny coincidence, anyway. And she and I had a few good laughs when we discussed "paternity leave" options for RK once the baby comes. These laughs revolved around the fact that she and I both know that husbands who work for oil companies rarely can take any time off (although RKZ is committed to doing whatever necessary, of course). It will be interesting to see what happens.

The home study itself will take 3 sessions. The immediate difference between using this private agency and our first experience of Children's Services (in California) is that Claire suggested that the last 2 studies be done on nights all within the next 2 weeks in order to complete our home study meetings quickly. We will be completely done with our meetings by Feb. 18th! And Claire told us that she will be writing up our study each week after she meets with us, so that she should be finished with the evaluation by the end of February and we will be on the list for birth moms to review. I asked Claire if this means we should get our birth mother letter and picture portfolio done and she said, "They normally ask that you have it in before the home study begins so that they can show your profile to a birth family immediately after the study is finished. It happens quite often that they are chasing down pictures and a letter because the family seems to be a great match for a birth mom's requests." Claire made it seem that everything moves rather quickly. It's exciting, but unnerving.

This first meeting was the "background" meeting where RKZ and I had to describe our "family of origin" and our experiences growing up. I'm sure you'll all appreciate that. Just so our families know, we did describe you all as perfectly healthy, happy individuals who are like walking Saints - so if anyone calls - be on your best behavior :) [don't worry, no one will call]. We had been through it before so it was a pretty basic meeting. RK even commented that it was more easy than he had expected - not too in depth. It was actually like having a long conversation with a new friend who just wants to know about your family. And Claire is very nice so it was easy to talk to her.

The funniest part was discussing "how many drinks you have on average." When I told her 3/4 weeks a month, she said, "That is how much everyone in Calgary drinks." We all laughed and I told her that before Buck, my answer would have been really different (as many of you know) but that it's hard to get up with a toddler in the morning after a night of boozing. RKZ's answer was awesome - I won't write it here, but he does work for the oil industry and drinking is part of his job - so you can figure that it's more rather than less. And RKZ rarely (if ever) lies about anything.

So - we've analyzed our families and our childhood lives (you all came out looking great) and I guess the next meeting is how RKZ and I met and how we parent. Buck was at the meeting last night and spent most of the time doing "stamps" and making a huge mess with the ink pad. He also used every trick to get attention from Claire. She commented that he "has really great sentence structure." My response was, "Yeah, you'll get to hear a lot of that during the meeting." She just laughed, but I wasn't kidding. I do think that Claire will ask Buck about his feelings on getting a sibling and sharing, etc. He told me that he'd like a sister a few days ago. We'll see how he responds when it's going down on paper. Our next meeting is next Wed. night, so I'll keep posting about the process!

"Extra! Extra!"

Two posts for today! This one is a quickie to keep my historical dates accurate - we are totally completed with our adoption paperwork as of Jan. 12ish. The social worker has called and we have our first meeting appointment tomorrow. I wanted to update before I write all about the meeting tomorrow. We are a giant leap forward in our plans to "get" a child :) Very exciting at this point. Thanks to everyone who filled out those recs for us! (OK, just Kathy and Gary, really).

"When the [bear] bites - with his teeth, dear!"

These pictures crack me up. RKZ sent them with the subject line "violent bear attack - be warned!" So you're warned too.

I hope that all of the Americans had a great Thanksgiving. RKZ stayed home the Friday after and we were able to finish up our paperwork to begin the adoption process. It was funny to go into an RCMP (Mountie) office and have the older police gentlemen gushing over our plans. They were very curious and excited as to what gender and type of baby we would get. One of the men asked Buck if he was "ready to be an older brother." It was very cute and highlighted the reality of the situation - we are actively beginning to adopt a baby!

Of course, the last papers for us to gather were birth and marriage certificates. My birth cert is a phantom. We can't find it. Thank goodness that we're adopting in the 21st Century as I was able to go to the Nevada Records website and literally order 3 copies of my birth cert in about 2 minutes. There were very interesting 'personal' questions I had to answer in order to prove my identity and these actually freaked me out the most as they seemed to have every address and roommate I'd ever had in their info banks!! I answered a series of "pick the one that does not apply to you" multiple choice questions and they had all of my correct information dating back to high school!! One of the questions listed my college po box -- a bit unnerving, to say the least. I don't actually need a microchip imbedded in my skin, it seems that anyone who wanted to could find out everything about me in moments if they needed too!

My birth cert should arrive in 3 days, which will put us just under my personal deadline of handing in all of the adoption paperwork by the end of November. Then, we will begin the homestudy process, which should take a couple of months with the Christmas holidays looming. We are not on the adoption list yet!! (just for the sake of clarity). But my hope is that we will be on the waiting list by the end of January or early Feb.

I'll keep everyone posted with my posts (totally cheesy, I know).

Watch out for those bears! (especially the ones from Chicago as we found out last night. Poor Broncos...)

"Now that I've been saved by love..."

Nope, it's not your imagination. I haven't blogged for the last week. The Duke and Duchess (Gma and Gpa Grady) were up for a visit and we all headed out to Panorama, BC (British Columbia, the Province next to us). I will be blogging about our trip this week, so I'll spare the details that will be much funnier accompanied by pictures. The pic above is a "timer" shot (I used the timer on my camera) while we were hiking/walking around the golf course and Toby Creek (funny story about this will come later in the week). You'll notice that Buck is holding on to Gma Duchess. She is a big fave.

Today's blog is actually more a description of the past weekend (Sept. 21 & 22) when RKZ and I attended our Adoptions workshop/seminar/strange mix of people looking to grow their families through adoption.

Friday afternoon's meeting was 1 - 8 and was, primarily to our minds anyway, a counseling session on infertility. There were around 30 couples I would guess; and the majority of these couples had/have/still do struggle with infertility issues. At one point during RKZ's small group (they separated us into groups and made us talk about our "issues"), RK said that he could almost "smell the desperation" coming off of the people. They had never-ending stories of numerous attempts at failed in vitro and miscarriages. It was quite sad, actually. But it was a little more sad to sit surrounded by real pain and bitterness that seemed very unresolved. One couple we sat near at lunch said that they will continue to try in vitro until they are chosen by a birthmother. The outright need for a baby was particularly difficult to be near. RKZ found the overwhelming need for control (of the couples) was more painful to him. We both left Friday feeling that maybe 7 hours of therapy was not enough for a few of the people. This entire session was hard for us to sit through as we are peaceful about all that's happened with us. We're actually quite excited about adopting and the adventure of it all. It's not our "second choice" - we have been convinced that we'd adopt ever since we took the Children's services classes in So. Cal before Buck came into the picture.

Saturday (9am - 4pm) was a bit better as it focused more on 'open adoption' and what that means. Open adoption is basically an adoption where the birthmom (or birth parents) maintain some type of relationship with the adoptive parents and the baby. The idea is that the child will grow up surrounded by both birth and adoptive families and their identity will never be in question (any more than it is for the rest of us who were never adopted). We were able to meet with a panel of a birthmom, the adoptive parents she chose, and their baby. The birthmom is a 21 year old college student - funny and very much a "take charge" person. She had just recently broken up with the birth father who was a participant in the adoption all the way through. The adoptive parents were friendly and normal. Their daughter was 18 months, beautiful and full of energy (a normal 18 month old, I'd say). The parents & baby see the birthmom every other month and send email pictures and cards as often as new parents send them to everyone. Although there are many variations of the amount birthparents see the adoptive parents and baby, this was explained as a pretty average situation.

It was a facinating class there at the end. The birthmom/parents choose the adoptive family based on letters and pictures and the detailed homestudy. There is definitely an element of "being chosen for kickball" in the entire process and our poor, desperate peers asked many questions all relating to "how do we get picked?" More control, I guess.

So, we're doing the paperwork now and the social worker said it could all be completed by Christmas. Then - there is just waiting. We are blessed to have Buck and also the peace of knowing we don't control any of it. But I did want to get it all detailed here on the blog - not just for you friends and family - but for us and our future baby/ies and birthfamilies. Just in case they want to see how the process was for us.