"It's been one week"

Buck and RKZ in the backyard - this is yesterday, so obviously Buck is no worse for wear.

A wrap-up on us: Buck got in to see a neurologist yesterday (12/31/08). After a 3rd, unexplained seizure, they formally diagnose a person with "seizure disorder" aka "epilepsy." It sounds way more dramatic than it is. About 1/10th of the population has it - many more people have one seizure in their lifetime. Buck is otherwise (brain, blood, etc) totally healthy and this, added to his young age (3), is a very good sign that he will probably grow out of having seizures. For at least a year, Buck will be on seizure suppressing medication called Clobazam. It's in the valium family of drugs, but it has very little side effects for most children (ie: he won't turn into a zombie taking it which was our fear). He took his first dose last night (5mg a 1/2 dose) and it made him a bit sleepy (it was bed-time) but he was still a crazy freak-show 3 year old like normal. If our boy takes the medication and does not have another seizure (our nurse case-worker works with us in this) then he will be taken off the medications in a year. The best part (for me) is that he probably shouldn't play video games even when he's older - he'll hate that but I think it's actually a bonus. There is an 86% chance (funny stat - but there it is) that he will have another seizure before he begins taking the full dose of medication (in 6 days) - but we're hoping to have him so well rested that it doesn't happen. I do have to say that the worst part of this all is seemingly sitting around waiting for Buck to drop.

Still no baby news...see how the waiting goes?

Oh yeah - HAPPY NEW YEAR!

"Don't the hours grow shorter as the days go by?"

Please forgive if the captions don't go with the pictures. It's been a blur of a Christmas for us! The Gradys before Christmas Eve Mass.
Buck in front of our tree.
Buck and CSG
Our happy family on Christmas Eve.
Buck (in a blue sweater - a gift from our cleaning lady) opening a gift from Jackson.









The pictures are a collection of some of the things that happened this holiday. This last shot is our Christmas dinner in Children's Hospital. They have really lovely donated sandwiches. We've eaten these for dinner twice now.
It's already been a long Christmas. I don't know if we've got "It's a Wonderful Life" happening here, but it certainly is eventful. And RKZ is still here - so I got that going for me.

I've decided I should go over all that is going on. At least for me since I don't know who all reads the blog these days (thanks for looking in!) This is a lovely "digital diary" most of all, so I feel the strange need to explain what has been consuming our thoughts and decisions for these last few months. Again, mostly for us to keep.

We were selected by a 17 year old girl as the family who she would like to adopt her baby. A lot of you know that (or have heard it). She subsequently has changed her mind - sort of. This young woman is amazing and it's a very big deal to decide to place a baby for adoption, so we are not shocked by her confusion. H (the mom) was due on the 23rd of Dec. We haven't heard anything one way or the other for sure. And so, we wait. There is a good chance that she and her family are also still waiting, so right now it is more like we are just sharing in the family's frustration of waiting. Then, we will wait to see what she decides.

I'm sure you can all guess that this means we will not be taking a ski vacation for the new year. We are in a waiting pattern of life-changing (or not) proportions.

And, speaking of waiting - Buck had his third seizure (unexplained) on Christmas. We were off visiting friends and he told me he was tired. I said we should go but 10 minutes later, he was seizing on the ground at my feet. We called 911 (as we've been instructed to do until we see the neurologist). The ambulance came (no fire truck this time) and the EMTs were very nice and cordial. RKZ was able to carry Buck to the ambulance (a first of the 3) and I rode with him to Children's hospital.

As Buck had his last seizure only 10 days ago (at Costco, which I'm not sure I posted), we have been shortlisted to see the neurology doctor and we have an appointment for tomorrow morning. It's a relief to finally be able to ask some questions - although we have gotten every test for Buck (CAT scan; EEG; blood) and they all come back "normal." I'm glad Buck's normal, but that doesn't explain the seizures. So - we wait again. And there is a big chance that we'll always wait - that Buck will need medication for something that can't be explained.

I'm starting to feel as though I need medication (or just 10 drinks) but I can explain exactly what that's for.
We're praying for a more peaceful 2009. Or at least a 2009 filled with answers.

"I can take a few tears now and then and just let 'um out"

Buck looking decidedly fine at his Grandparent's cabin.

Well, after 12 days of no posts, I'll be over doing it today. First, an informational post and then a "pictures only" of our recent trip (no seizure pics, don't worry).

Around 1 pm on Sunday, we were all sitting around at the cabin. Buck has a 5 year old cousin, Pahina, and the two of them decided to go into the cabin and color. My sister-in-law, HAB, followed in after them to help find the crayons and things. There was nothing weird going on and the kids were happily running around and were excited to color.

About 3 minutes later, we heard HAB shout, "What's wrong with him?" and she came out of the cabin carrying Buck. He looked limp in her arms, but when we got closer, it was obvious that he was shaking and his eyes were rolled back in his head. His lips were moving but he didn't 'see' any of us. We established that he was breathing. I just held him while he finished shaking (about 45 seconds from beginning to end is my guess). I was praying (well, shouting at God to help my baby, really. Quite a sight, I'm sure). RKZ called 911 during this time and we buckled a still out of it Buck into his car seat and drove to the "fire station" near the cabin. It's really an un-manned shed with the fire truck. That was where we told the ambulance we'd wait.

During the drive, Buck partially came to. He was VERY tired and kept trying to drift off to sleep, but we didn't know if this was the best thing yet, so we kept making him stay awake. I knew he was mentally back to us when I told him to tell me if he was mad that I wouldn't let him sleep and he said, "I'M VERY MAD!" All I could think was, "That's my Buck."

First, Dutch the fireman showed up & took Buck's vitals and then the ambulance came (along with every looky-loo in the area to see what was happening). They examined Buck for bites and asked the normal questions. No fever, no dehydration, no insect bite, no head trauma.

HAB explained what she had seen: Buck was lying on the floor, but this wasn't strange because he was always playing with the dog (Bailey, whom the Duke and Duchess received from us). She didn't notice anything wrong until Pahina said, "Something is wrong with him." That was when HAB realized that Buck was face down and shaking. She thought it was a seizure right away.

Well, the paramedics agreed and explained that for first seizures, kids must go in the ambulance to the hospital in Colorado Springs. It's about an 1 1/2 trip. Thankfully, seizures result in kids desperately needing to sleep and Buck slept in his car seat, strapped to the ambulance bed for the entire ride. Erin, the EMT who rode in the back with me, explained a lot about seizures to me while we drove. Leading cause? Fever. After that, abuse and something else I can't remember but that it definitely couldn't be. Most interesting fact for my unknowing mind is that doctors don't know what causes epilepsy, or most seizures and that 3% of children have one seizure.

Once we arrived at the hospital, Buck was awake and yelling for both milk and to go back to the cabin. Buck was sure he'd broken his collar bone again since he really didn't remember the seizure. We met the nurses, the doctor (who was a lot like my oldest brother as a doctor). After his drink and a little snack, Buck was his old self and running around the hospital trying to get into trouble. They took blood and Buck nearly pulled the needle out of his arm he was so stubborn about not being in pain.

Buck also totally refused (by throwing an amazing fit) to go into the CAT scan machine (the "doughnut" as this is what it looked like). Sadly, we had to have Buck sedated in order to check out his brain. For me, this was the most difficult part, to see him zonked out again so soon after his seizure.

But, all of the tests came back normal and we were returned home with no explanations and a referral to see a pediatric neurologist. Now comes our big test of the Canadian medical system. I took it as a bad sign when our GP was shocked that he'd already had a CAT scan (a reason we opted to get it in the States). Dr. Tam isn't sure that they would do anything for a "first" seizure. My single minded purpose is making sure that I do everything I can to keep him from having a second one (we all know that I have a very limited ability to do that, but I'll try).

Right now, my theory is that we had been going, going, going and that maybe without sleep, adrenelin, lack of his normal 9 cups of milk a day, that Buck's brain had "had enough." I hope so. Future trips will mandatorily be much more mellow.

"Being Drunk's a lot like loving you"

Kenny Chesney song.

We've been home since Tuesday, but this has been the longest 2 weeks.

We had a great beginning of our trip to Reno, California and Colorado. Buck, RKZ and I flew to Reno and stayed the night with the Joads. Buck was excited to stay with Grandma and Grandpa and feed the ducks and take walks and go to "Jesus' house" with Mom and Grandma J. He was obviously treated like a little Prince (and had the attitude to match).

RKZ and I spent our first 3 nights alone in a year in Napa Valley wine country. It was a work do for RKZ and they are normally called "Boondoggles." The first night there was a lot of drinking and laughing. One of the ladies who works for Colorado Interstate Gas (our hosts) wanted to "steal" (borrow, really) a golf cart as we were staying on the grounds of a big golf course. Being shy, I jumped up and decided to join her. We actually found a group of carts chained together and could only talk a valet parker into giving us a tour of the grounds. Not as wild, but still as fun as we raced around in 90/32 degree heat at 12 midnight. That was so awesomefor a girl used to quite chilly summer weather in Calgary.

The rest of the trip was fun because RKZ and I were alone to talk without "Mommy, look at the train!" and "What does that sign say?" constantly interrupting us. But, I can give or take wine tasting. Napa is a "red wine" place, I have learned, and when one doesn't drink red wine, it's not the best vacation. But it was "free" for us and I was able to spend 4 hours in a car alone with RKZ - totally worth it. It's a 2 hour drive from Reno to Napa, you see.

Well, we arrived back in Reno, went to SDJ's & Superman M's high school football game. They won - YEAH! I was able to totally embarrass SDJ by asking a crowd of her 9th grade male friends to stop swearing around my 3 year old (can take the teacher out of the school...) Poor Buck was up until 11pm and we had to be up at 5:30 am to catch our flight to Colorado.

I did learn that SDJ's mom, the former "Supermodel D" is considered a school "hot mom." The boys call her a "High-9 Hottie" which means she could onlybe hotter if she was a famous movie star or something. She hates it, so I will OF COURSE start calling her H9H (instead of HRH - her royal highness - which fits also). So, just for clarity, Supermodel D is now H9H, just because she hates it :)

We were off to Colorado, drove to RKZ's parents (the Duke and Duchess's) cabin in the mountains of Colorado. SO FUN. It seemed like everyone was there and we were able to play horseshoes and drink a few beers and Buck played with all of his cousins and was having a great time! We spent the night with HAB (RK's sister) and Handy Manny (my new name for HAB's hub and one of Buck's new favorite Disney shows) and their 3 kids and the Duke and Duchess in the cabin (as well as C and S who were in the garage). It was a fun night and was so fun to see everyone.

We woke up late - and the boys went fishing. Buck was not himself, but we are used to complaining at this point :) He was the first to catch a fish on his new "Diego fishing pole." He didn't know what the fish was, it was very funny according to legend.
Also, cousin B caught a fish. And then C, S, B and C (I will research their names) & Handy Manny headed to look at a mine somewhere in the mountains.

Here is where the trip took a turn. Buck had a seizure. That will be the next post as It has quite a bit of information in itself.
Let's suffice it to say that he had about a 45 second seizure, we rushed to the hospital and they can't figure out why he had a seizure after all of the tests. This was last Sunday.

Needless to say, he missed the first week of school.