"[You're] delightful, [you're] delicious, [you're] delovely"

My precious baby boy,

Sometimes I feel as though the world stopped turning two years ago and then began to turn the other way. Everything I thought I understood about life and love and giving to another person showed itself as shallow and empty. Suddenly (really quite suddenly as you were a month early), another being relied completely on me (and Daddy, of course). Looking at you in that incubator, even if you were a giant among preemies, was the scariest thing that had ever happened to me. The nurse asked me if I wanted to reach in and change your diaper and my first thought was, "no way." But I did it because there was no denying you.

We never had that special "you looked into my eyes" business - you never preciously grabbed my finger and I immediately fell in love with you. You actually did nothing but cry for about the first 4 months of your life and I will never forget walking deliriously through our tiny Southern California house trying to shush you softly. Or the night (it was 4am, is that still night?) I started crying and told your dad that I wasn't sure I could do it anymore. Funny thing about babies, choosing not to do it isn't really a choice anymore - but at least your Daddy was there. He's a good listener.

And then, you started laughing. You have always been the happiest baby (that cholic-y crying aside). You smiled so early that I wasn't sure it was a smile until Grandma assured me it was. You began to look up at me with a tiny grin while you were still so small that I knew I was in trouble. You danced to every song and banged on every toy you could get your hands on. All happy-go-lucky boy from the very 5th month :)

I might not have looked into your eyes and found love, but, true to the Grady family, the second you opened your mouth and I could understand what you said, I was lost. You continue to be hilariously funny and mischevious - and it's irresistable. With every passing day, I realize that it was me who was in a box two years ago - a box which you have broken down just by being and growing and showing me how wonderful the world is.

So, happy birthday, Little Man. Thanks for never giving me the choice not to love you.
And yes, we will go ride a choo choo today - just for you.