"It's Real the Things you feel..."

Just home from a day at Pre-K. Loving the moms. We stand around talking while the kids play on the playground. I've decided that school is an excuse for Buck to use the playground (in his mind). His favorite friend is a little girl named Quinn. I really like her mom as well. She won a silver medal in the Atlanta Olympics for synchronized swimming. I told her I'd start every conversation with that.

We're getting ready to go to So Cal in 3 days. I can't wait. I'm not sure Buck knows what's happening, but this morning he did say, "Let's go surfing when we get there." My kind of kid.

Off to music class and then ice skating lessons. I'm going to get some pictures of that tonight (you betcha!)

"I can feel you breathe - watchin' over me"

OK - Well, just a little news that the birth mom went with the other family. They had a little girl, I guess, and the social worker said that she thinks that the birth mom thought the perfect "girl/boy" family would be better. Desiree (the social worker) also said that this was the longest any mom had taken with a decision in her entire time of working at Ad. Op. (just our luck).

I can honestly say that we're just happy to know the answer. It's a good sign that we're up on the list and Desiree said that she, "hopes she can call us with the opposite news soon." We know that our baby will come - and now Daniel and I are totally off to California this week! (We are, of course, a little sad, but it's like being sad for something we never had and that's not really in our natures).

Thank you for your prayers and don't quit hoping for us yet!

I will post a bit more this week as we prep for our trip.

"Waiting to Exhale"

Sample pictures -- NOT REAL PICTURES OF THE BABY


So, some of you have already heard that our file is currently being shown to the birthmother of a little boy. There is no news yet. I'll start with that.

Background - on Sept. 11th, we received a call from one of the social workers (Desiree) at Adoption Options (the agency we are working with to adopt). She explained that there is a baby who was born prematurely whose mother is putting him up for adoption. They wanted to know if we wanted our file to be shown.

RKZ and I spent a lot of time (as much as we had) talking and thinking about all of the ramifications of health and issues that prematurity might mean. (A) there could be many and (B) there could be none. It is tough to make a "what if" decision; But, that was what we needed to make. The next day, we both were at peace that we wanted to be in the pile of families to be considered by the birth mom. Desiree explained that all of the files were to be bussed down from Edmonton (the main office) and that the birth mom would see the files probably on Monday of the next week (Sept. 15). Desiree said to give it a week from there...and so we have.

Yesterday was a week and there is still no word. We decided not to tell anyone as we waited because there is a big chance that we will not be the family chosen. But, we did have to cancel a trip to California (we were supposed to fly out yesterday) and this has led to us explaining to some people what is happening. Once a few people knew, you can imagine that now many people now know; and it didn't seem such a big thing to post it up on the blog. I thought I might want to have the nervousness described on the blog (which is really just turning into a giant family memory album anyway).

Again, we still haven't heard anything. We did hear that the mom had turned down some families, but not ours. We know that we're on a short list of choices, but it's still a list. I think everyone can imagine that - at this point - we just want to know either way.

Choice 1 - she chooses us and we meet her and the baby and confirm that he'll be joining our family - Still a heavy dose of
waiting.
Choice 2 - she says no to us and we have the hope that we're near the top of the list and will be getting a new baby eventually.
Also included in choice #2 is that we can reschedule our California trip and will definitely be heading to Mexico for
American Thanksgiving.

So, now everyone knows who reads the blog. As we are praying people, we are just praying that God's Will is done (or "for the best" in layman's terms). This little guy might be meant for our family and he might not. I am just hoping that I can eat soon and that my stomach would stop turning over. I'd like to be able to sleep for longer than 2 hours and I'd like to stop jumping every time the phone rings. I have never been this anxious in my life. Even RKZ is on edge. And he's never on edge.

"Gonna think a lot about it later..."

RKZ "representing" in his Broncos shirt. 2 and 0, baby!!


So...I think that - so far - the grossest thing about being a mom is one particular aspect of potty training. See...often public toilet seats have little knobs underneath them, which kind of leaves a gap between the seat and the actual toilet itself.

When one has a new "pee-er" as it were, and he is just learning (so normally sits to go even pee), he is just learning to aim his peeper by directing it into the bowl. You can imagine that a little guy has a little peeper with less aim control. Just keeping his pee below the rim of the bowl is a feat of brilliance.

Now, imagine that said child uses one of these public toilets (or 2 - or 4 at last count) and seems to have a talent for aiming his pee directlyat the gap between the seat and the bowl. Mommy (being nominal, as we all know) does not always pay attention to said stream of urine and too many times to count, this has resulted in pants and underwear soaked with pee with little legs hanging above a giant puddle of pee.

I am not ashamed (well, yes I am) that I have wiped a number of public restroom floors with giant wads of toilet paper so as not to overly disgust the next patron. I have spent long moments in fear that a toilet would not flush because of the mountain of TP stuffed into it. I have spent long, burning minutes scrubbing my pee-soaked hands free of the product of my lovely little man. Seriously, the grossest part so far.

"You and me going fishing in the dark..."

RKZ making breakfast on Buck's first day of school.

Buck getting ready to fish at the Duke's cabin house.

Cousin BB caught a big one!

Uncle and S "sitting on the dock of the bay"

Buck's new "Diego fishing pole." He caught 2 fish on his first day out! (all of this happened the same day as the seizure. Just wanted to focus on the positive.

Two posts in ONE day! Can you believe it?

So, Buck thinks he's a dog. We have to call him Max. He responds to everything with barking. Normally, when we're driving places he will just bark to communicate. It was cute for the first week but has become a bit difficult - especially when I really need an answer.

If I try to bark in response, Buck/Max always says, "You not a dog. You're a LADY." I love that he says I'm a lady. I think some other people might use a different word that would hint at my being a dog :)

Woof.

"2 and 2 are 4. 4 and 4 are 8..."

I know that there is a lot going on in the world that I haven't mentioned. AND I know that it has been a while between posts (7 days now). I am trying to get back on track, but there is a lot going on around here as well.

I promise not to mention the elections unless I can help it. This is basically a family blog, anyway. Besides, there is a lot out there to inform everyone's consciences without my help. What I WILL mention is the hurricane in Houston (Ike). One of my most beloved friends and her family (who are also beloved) live in Houston and I am DYING to hear from them that they are ok. They just recently bought a house and I'm praying like crazy that everything is alright.

Onto our craziness. Buck started school last Thursday to much fanfare. RKZ stayed home for the morning and made us all breakfast. Eggs and bacon for Buck's first day. Then, we were a little bit "late" for school (so typical). We met Buck's teacher, Mrs. Doyle. Now, we have a quote from the movie "Billy Madison" that is almost a family joke in our house. A family of characters in the movie do horrible things through the entire thing and then say, "O'Doyle's rule!" RKZ couldn't help but teach Buck, who runs around the house (and ran around his classroom) saying "Mrs. O'Doyle rules!" Once I explained the incredibly intellectual allusion, Mrs. Doyle thought it was hilarious also.

About 2 minutes after the bell rang, Mrs. Doyle grabbed Buck's hand, pulled him into the classroom and shouted, "Bye Mommy and Daddy!" We were shut out. Probably the best way, but still a bit abrupt. Buck had a great day at school. I personally, love the uniform, although I've already broken the rules and let him wear a NON-embroidered shirt because they are WAY cheaper and he's 3.

"I can take a few tears now and then and just let 'um out"

Buck looking decidedly fine at his Grandparent's cabin.

Well, after 12 days of no posts, I'll be over doing it today. First, an informational post and then a "pictures only" of our recent trip (no seizure pics, don't worry).

Around 1 pm on Sunday, we were all sitting around at the cabin. Buck has a 5 year old cousin, Pahina, and the two of them decided to go into the cabin and color. My sister-in-law, HAB, followed in after them to help find the crayons and things. There was nothing weird going on and the kids were happily running around and were excited to color.

About 3 minutes later, we heard HAB shout, "What's wrong with him?" and she came out of the cabin carrying Buck. He looked limp in her arms, but when we got closer, it was obvious that he was shaking and his eyes were rolled back in his head. His lips were moving but he didn't 'see' any of us. We established that he was breathing. I just held him while he finished shaking (about 45 seconds from beginning to end is my guess). I was praying (well, shouting at God to help my baby, really. Quite a sight, I'm sure). RKZ called 911 during this time and we buckled a still out of it Buck into his car seat and drove to the "fire station" near the cabin. It's really an un-manned shed with the fire truck. That was where we told the ambulance we'd wait.

During the drive, Buck partially came to. He was VERY tired and kept trying to drift off to sleep, but we didn't know if this was the best thing yet, so we kept making him stay awake. I knew he was mentally back to us when I told him to tell me if he was mad that I wouldn't let him sleep and he said, "I'M VERY MAD!" All I could think was, "That's my Buck."

First, Dutch the fireman showed up & took Buck's vitals and then the ambulance came (along with every looky-loo in the area to see what was happening). They examined Buck for bites and asked the normal questions. No fever, no dehydration, no insect bite, no head trauma.

HAB explained what she had seen: Buck was lying on the floor, but this wasn't strange because he was always playing with the dog (Bailey, whom the Duke and Duchess received from us). She didn't notice anything wrong until Pahina said, "Something is wrong with him." That was when HAB realized that Buck was face down and shaking. She thought it was a seizure right away.

Well, the paramedics agreed and explained that for first seizures, kids must go in the ambulance to the hospital in Colorado Springs. It's about an 1 1/2 trip. Thankfully, seizures result in kids desperately needing to sleep and Buck slept in his car seat, strapped to the ambulance bed for the entire ride. Erin, the EMT who rode in the back with me, explained a lot about seizures to me while we drove. Leading cause? Fever. After that, abuse and something else I can't remember but that it definitely couldn't be. Most interesting fact for my unknowing mind is that doctors don't know what causes epilepsy, or most seizures and that 3% of children have one seizure.

Once we arrived at the hospital, Buck was awake and yelling for both milk and to go back to the cabin. Buck was sure he'd broken his collar bone again since he really didn't remember the seizure. We met the nurses, the doctor (who was a lot like my oldest brother as a doctor). After his drink and a little snack, Buck was his old self and running around the hospital trying to get into trouble. They took blood and Buck nearly pulled the needle out of his arm he was so stubborn about not being in pain.

Buck also totally refused (by throwing an amazing fit) to go into the CAT scan machine (the "doughnut" as this is what it looked like). Sadly, we had to have Buck sedated in order to check out his brain. For me, this was the most difficult part, to see him zonked out again so soon after his seizure.

But, all of the tests came back normal and we were returned home with no explanations and a referral to see a pediatric neurologist. Now comes our big test of the Canadian medical system. I took it as a bad sign when our GP was shocked that he'd already had a CAT scan (a reason we opted to get it in the States). Dr. Tam isn't sure that they would do anything for a "first" seizure. My single minded purpose is making sure that I do everything I can to keep him from having a second one (we all know that I have a very limited ability to do that, but I'll try).

Right now, my theory is that we had been going, going, going and that maybe without sleep, adrenelin, lack of his normal 9 cups of milk a day, that Buck's brain had "had enough." I hope so. Future trips will mandatorily be much more mellow.

"Being Drunk's a lot like loving you"

Kenny Chesney song.

We've been home since Tuesday, but this has been the longest 2 weeks.

We had a great beginning of our trip to Reno, California and Colorado. Buck, RKZ and I flew to Reno and stayed the night with the Joads. Buck was excited to stay with Grandma and Grandpa and feed the ducks and take walks and go to "Jesus' house" with Mom and Grandma J. He was obviously treated like a little Prince (and had the attitude to match).

RKZ and I spent our first 3 nights alone in a year in Napa Valley wine country. It was a work do for RKZ and they are normally called "Boondoggles." The first night there was a lot of drinking and laughing. One of the ladies who works for Colorado Interstate Gas (our hosts) wanted to "steal" (borrow, really) a golf cart as we were staying on the grounds of a big golf course. Being shy, I jumped up and decided to join her. We actually found a group of carts chained together and could only talk a valet parker into giving us a tour of the grounds. Not as wild, but still as fun as we raced around in 90/32 degree heat at 12 midnight. That was so awesomefor a girl used to quite chilly summer weather in Calgary.

The rest of the trip was fun because RKZ and I were alone to talk without "Mommy, look at the train!" and "What does that sign say?" constantly interrupting us. But, I can give or take wine tasting. Napa is a "red wine" place, I have learned, and when one doesn't drink red wine, it's not the best vacation. But it was "free" for us and I was able to spend 4 hours in a car alone with RKZ - totally worth it. It's a 2 hour drive from Reno to Napa, you see.

Well, we arrived back in Reno, went to SDJ's & Superman M's high school football game. They won - YEAH! I was able to totally embarrass SDJ by asking a crowd of her 9th grade male friends to stop swearing around my 3 year old (can take the teacher out of the school...) Poor Buck was up until 11pm and we had to be up at 5:30 am to catch our flight to Colorado.

I did learn that SDJ's mom, the former "Supermodel D" is considered a school "hot mom." The boys call her a "High-9 Hottie" which means she could onlybe hotter if she was a famous movie star or something. She hates it, so I will OF COURSE start calling her H9H (instead of HRH - her royal highness - which fits also). So, just for clarity, Supermodel D is now H9H, just because she hates it :)

We were off to Colorado, drove to RKZ's parents (the Duke and Duchess's) cabin in the mountains of Colorado. SO FUN. It seemed like everyone was there and we were able to play horseshoes and drink a few beers and Buck played with all of his cousins and was having a great time! We spent the night with HAB (RK's sister) and Handy Manny (my new name for HAB's hub and one of Buck's new favorite Disney shows) and their 3 kids and the Duke and Duchess in the cabin (as well as C and S who were in the garage). It was a fun night and was so fun to see everyone.

We woke up late - and the boys went fishing. Buck was not himself, but we are used to complaining at this point :) He was the first to catch a fish on his new "Diego fishing pole." He didn't know what the fish was, it was very funny according to legend.
Also, cousin B caught a fish. And then C, S, B and C (I will research their names) & Handy Manny headed to look at a mine somewhere in the mountains.

Here is where the trip took a turn. Buck had a seizure. That will be the next post as It has quite a bit of information in itself.
Let's suffice it to say that he had about a 45 second seizure, we rushed to the hospital and they can't figure out why he had a seizure after all of the tests. This was last Sunday.

Needless to say, he missed the first week of school.